Saturday, June 5, 2010

in a surrender more violent than her own struggle

"What do you want?"
"You know what I want."
"Yes. But I want to hear you say it. All of it."
"I want to sleep with you. Now. Tonight. And at anytime you may care to call me. I want your naked body, your skin, your mouth, your hands. I want you like this--not hysterical with desire--but coldly and consciously--without dignity and regrets--I want you--I have no self-respect to bargain with me and divide me --I want you like an animal, or a cat on a fence, or a whore.
I hate you for what you are, for wanting you, for having to want you. I'm going to fight you--and I'm going to destroy you--and I tell you this as calmly as I told you that I'm a begging animal. I'm going to pray that you can't be destroyed--I tell you this, too--even though I believe nothing and have nothing to pray to. But I will fight to block every step you take. I will fight to tear every change you want away from you. I will hurt you through the only thing that can hurt you--through your work. I will fight to starve you, to strangle you on the thing you won't be able to reach. I have done it to you today--and that is why I shall sleep with you tonight.
I have hurt you today. I'll do it again. I'll come to you whenever I have beaten you--whenever I know that I have hurt you--and I'll let you own me. I want to be owned, not by a lover, but by an adversary who will destroy my victory over him, not with honorable blows, but the the touch of his body on mine. That is what I want of you. That is what I am. You wanted to hear it all. You've heard it. What do you wish to say now?"
"Take off your clothes."

...

"You worked in that quarry when you had the Enright House in you, and many other Enright Houses, and you were drilling granite like a..."
"You're going to weaken in a moment, Dominique, and then you'll regret it tomorrow."
"Yes."
"You're very lovely, Dominique."
"Don't."
"You're lovely."
"Roark, I... I'll still want to destroy you."
"Do you think I would want you if you didn't"
"Roark..."
"Do you want to hear that again? Part of it? I want you, Dominique. I want you. I want you."
"I..."
"No, not yet. You won't say that yet. Go to sleep."
"Here? With you?"
"Here. With me. I'll fix breakfast for you in the morning. Did you know that I fix my own breakfast. You'll like seeing that. Like the work in the quarry. Then you'll go home and think about destroying me. Good night, Dominique."


2.7.273

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